I Started Something...

“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever.” -Don Millman "Way of the Peaceful Warrior"

As I stated in a previous post, I am currently reading "The Power of Intention" which has been reminding me how important it is to have purpose and intention in all we do.  It's also been guiding me back into visualization about what I want in my life.  I've been struggling with this question: what do I really want, and do I have the courage to believe it can happen?

I have high hopes, but I keep them at a distance.  Instead, I've realized how important it is to surround yourself with them, to believe they have already actualized.  Wayne Dyer calls this "end thinking"-being able to believe what you wanted to be true.  This is a powerful exercise, but can also be a scary one.  If you battle with yourself into believing it, one may start to wonder if it is something you actually wanted in the first place.  Is it ego standing in the way or is it enlightenment?  And if you do achieve what you worked so hard to attain, is it yours to keep?

How do you really know what you want?

Mindfulness and Intent

Mindfulness is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves. Consider, for example: a magician who cuts his body into many parts and places each part in a different region--hands in the south, arms in the east, legs in the north, and then by some miraculous power lets forth a cry which reassembles whole every part of his body. Mindfulness is like that--it is the miracle which can call back in a flash our dispersed mind and restore it to wholeness so that we can live each minute of life.  -Thich Nhat Hanh

This is probably just one of many posts that I will gush about how awesome it is to be a massage therapist.  Not only do we get to make people feel better, but we also get to share a sacred space with our client and connect on silent and energetic level.  I think all of my massage therapist friends will agree with me on this-we work directly with energy.

I started reflecting on some extraordinary sessions I've had over the past 5.5 years of being a massage therapist.  The common tie was my degree of mindfulness and intent.  When I make it a point to focus and be truly mindful during my treatment, I can connect with my client on a deeper level than purely musculoskeletal. Massage therapy is amazing in the sense that we work so closely with Universal Life Energy.  It makes me think how wonderful life would be if we could always tap into that Source and keep it constantly flowing freely in our lives.

Mindfulness is important in everything we do. Thich Nhat Hanh is a great teacher on the subject.  His writings emphasize the importance of being aware and mindful of every action, every breath.  This can be a very difficult practice!  I admittedly fall short even though I know the important benefits.  I have an app on my phone that has helped me in this pursuit.  It is called "The Mindfulness Bell" and it randomly rings once an hour reminding me to stop, close my eyes, breathe, and be in the present moment.

By being mindful we can set our intent and connect deeply with the energy around us.  We become open channels and connect freely with the Universe.

Let's start right now.  Close your eyes, breathe and set your intent...

Getting back on track...

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar


Forgive me if this post is a little scattered.  It's been a year since I last posted and I have so many thoughts swimming around in this crazy brain of mine!

A friend told me the quote I posted above and it really struck a chord with me.  Lately I've felt off track not knowing quite what was wrong.  I have so many things in my life to be grateful for: love, safety, health, yet there has been something missing.  I've felt like I've shut the door to the spiritual side of my life.  Well, maybe not completely shut... I think I left it ajar.  I've been wandering around trying to figure out how and why this happened.  A moment of clarity this weekend (thanks to an awesome yoga/acupuncture session) helped me to understand what has been going on.  I lost touch with my intent.  I have been ignoring the driving force that I have always believed got me to where I am today.  I closed my eyes to the Universal Life Energy (ULE).

I've been carrying Wayne Dyer's "Power of Intention" in my bag the past week or so and barely read the first few pages.  Last night I cracked it open again, highlighter in hand, and began to reopen that partially closed door.  Today has been one of reflection on why I believe in ULE and what it has done for me thus far in my life.

I'm not one to just believe something for the hell of it.  I have to believe with my mind but also my heart.  I have to experience it to truly accept it.  After getting my Reiki attunement which helped me first get in touch with ULE (chi, ki, prana... etc) I started on my path.  By allowing myself to be inspired and motivated I had amazing experiences and got a chance to work with even more amazing people.  These people have been my teachers and I owe them more than I could ever repay in this lifetime.  By being open I attracted positive energy and experiences and people.

I've hit some rough patches over the past couple years.  I felt like I was drowning and with it created a negative bubble around me.  I truly believe we can be our "own worst enemy" and I certainly was.  By not trusting myself and ignoring that spiritual side of me that was trying to shine through I created a Keryn full of confusion and self-consciousness.  We have to see the darkness to truly appreciate the light, right?

So here I am, Oct 31, 2012 and I'm ready to begin again.  I don't have a rule book, no dogma to follow.  I am Keryn E. Kwan and I believe what I believe.  I'm starting this blog again to share my views and experiences and I hope to open up the comments as a forum to hear what you, my friends, have to say.  I want to know what inspires you and the struggles you fight against.  Please join in!

In love and health,

Keryn

Outside the box

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." -Andre Gide


It's funny how little things in life can cause you to contemplate much larger ideas.  I was in the checkout line at the supermarket the other day.  I reached to get some mints and realized they had the brand I like, but not the flavor.  I needed the mints (no one wants a massage therapist with bad breath!) so I bought the flavor they had.    When I opened them later, I discovered that this other flavor was quite good and wondered why I hadn't ever tried it before.  My realization was that I was stuck in a habit pattern.  As trivial as it may sound, I have always bought the same two brands of mint in the same flavor for at least the past five years.  That made me start to wonder what other habit patterns have I formed in my life without even realizing it.

I'm proud to say that this past year has been a reawakening for me.  I feel like I snapped back into reality and have been able to put the pieces of Keryn back together again.  Places, people, and events have all helped me do so.  However, though all this change has been happening I haven't been completely aware of it until now.  I know it has been a transforming year, but looking back on it I realize I was truly breaking away from the little security wall I had built for myself over the past decade.  Without realizing it, I was reversing very big habit patterns in my life.  Now is the time for me to refocus and be mindful of my actions and be proud of what I have accomplished and what I am doing.  The things I don't like in my life I have the power to change as long as I can be aware of them.

There are many people in my life who right at this very moment are stepping outside of their boxes.  They are taking risks and changing their lives for the better.  They realized that they needed to break free from the patterns of their everyday life that were bringing them down.  Two of these people are very good friends of mine: Andrea and Megan.

Andrea has begun her schooling to become a massage therapist!  After realizing she needed to make a big change in her life to be happy, she took this risk and is now enrolled at Bancroft!  She had her first class on Saturday.  I am so proud and excited for her.  It is a big leap to consider a career change, and a lot of courage to step up and follow your heart.  I think we have always known that this would be a good career for her and who knows where this journey will lead?

Megan knew she needed to make a change to be happy.  She quit her job and is now traveling around the country-something she has been wanting to do.  What courage!  I admire her and am excited for the adventures she will have.  When she returns she will definitely have a new perspective on life and be refocused on what she wants to accomplish and how.

Everyday we have the opportunity to try something different.  Whether it be a trying a new flavor of breath mint, or joining a new group, we can step outside of the box and away from the habit patterns that have formed in our lives.  I believe it is healthy to have routine and discipline, but I also think it is important to try new things and to challenge yourself as much as you can.  I think we settle in to our daily lives and schedules and we forget to be mindful of ourselves.

 Whatever we don't like about ourselves or our lives we have the power to change.  We are not helpless.  All it takes is a change of mindset and the ability to believe in ourselves.  We can overcome whatever anxiety is weighing us down.  We can fight that negative little voice we hear saying, "no you can't!"  We can be the change.  All it takes is one little step outside the box.  Let's try it and see what we discover.

Thank you

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -Marcel Proust

I had another topic for this blog, but it is being put on the back burner for now. Tonight I feel very grateful- grateful for all the people in my life. I wanted to take this opportunity to say Thank You.

On my drive home from hanging out with friends I started to think about the people I have come across on my life's journey so far. I really have had a fantastic group of friends and mentors who helped me to grow and become the Keryn I am today.

I will always be eternally grateful to my family, my parents and siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who have and continue to help me whenever I need.

In Massachusetts through my college career, I had my Rhapsody family as well. Margi believed in me and encouraged me to start teaching piano. Where would I be today without her love and support? I have now been a teacher for the past 10 years!

When I moved to NH I knew not a soul. It was a brand new experience for me. I moved out of my parents' house and was making a brand new start as an adult! My Crossroads Chiropractic family- Dr. Steph, Kathleen and Kay embraced me and became my support system. Dr. Steph especially because she supported me through massage school, encouraged me to do the Miss New Hampshire pageants (which paid for an entire school loan!) and even helped me set up shop in a suite above her office. What kindness and generosity!

While in New Hampshire I also created a relationship with Strings and Things. Mike Bilodeau and staff (including Brooks) welcomed me with open arms and even gave up their break room so I could have my own studio. By the time I left I was up to 40 students a week! Without their help, I never would have gotten there.

Moving again to RI was very scary for me. I knew how lucky I had gotten in NH and was not counting on finding it again. After having Oliver I delayed looking for a job because I knew the economy was horrible. One day I was perusing craigslist and saw an opening for an MT for a chiropractor in Coventry. I answered and was hired. Two years later I have my own RI equivalent for a dad in Dr. J and a fantastic sister in Beth Smith. Both who have bent over backwards and have helped me out so much over this past year of craziness. I have also made the most phenomenal group of friends since being in Rhode Island. Friends who I know are there whenever I need and have proven their love and support repeatedly. To them I owe so much. Thank you- Andrea, Beth, Brian, Andreas, Chasity, Jonny, Scott, Beth R and Aaron.

I feel like I'm giving a speech at the Grammy's or something!

I have a fantastic community of friends who I am luckily still able to keep in touch with via facebook. Thank you to my NH friends, my MA friends, and my RI people. My love stretches easily over these three states. =)

Thank you, Ira, for your love.

Peace out.

Positive People

"The language of friendship is not words but meanings" -Henry David Thoreau

Who are the positive people in your life? I want to take this opportunity to talk about the importance of having positive energy in the form of people in your life.

I believe we have certain people in our lives to give us the chi we need for balance. It is important to focus on building your inner strength and knowing your own true self, but I think it is equally as important to recognize the people in your life that make you who you are. We're not on this path alone. We stumble across and accumulate people along the way, much like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz."

Unfortunately there are times when we need to take some time and introspect as to whether we are engaging in healthy give and take relationships. It's very easy to fall into a person's negative energy trap. We call these people "energy vampires." It takes some strength to realize it, and even more strength to rise and fight against it.

Questions to ask yourself:

Does this person make me feel good about myself?

Am I happy when I am around this person?

Does this person improve my life and does it seem like I am improving theirs?

How does this person make me feel? Energized? Tired? Angry? Frustrated? Inspired?

I'm not saying it is a good idea to abandon a friend if you truly care about them, but I think it is important to make sure you are not hurting yourself for the sake of "friendship." Any relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself is not a healthy one. That may be a bold statement, but I think it's a fair one.

This is becoming a much more personalized blog than my last posts, so I might as well keep going with it. I will give you some examples of positive people in my life:

Ira- who I not only share a loving, romantic relationship (and all the wonderful things that come along with that... best saved for another post), but can also engage in thoughtful conversation with especially about philosophy.

Andrea- who I bond with spiritually and whom I have a non-judgemental, all accepting friendship with

Beth S- who has opened brand new doors for a newly single girl, who is an unconditional friend, and lots of fun to hang around with

Chasity- who makes me feel calm and balanced whenever we hang out and can have a fun or just a peaceful night with.

Patrick, Beth, Aaron- all of whom I share my deep love of the theatre with, and when joined together along with Andrea we create magical things

Scott- who I share my love and passion for music with, a great friend I can truly rely on.

So I am a lucky girl. With all of these relationships I feel open, healthy, and loved. Time to be grateful. Who are on your positive people list? =)

Letting go?

"You cannot let go of anything if you cannot notice that you are holding it. Admit your 'weakensses' and watch them morph into your greatest strengths." -Neale Donald Walsch

We've all had attachments in our lives. Whether it be a person, a memory, or spoken words we are holding onto, there are things that we have told ourselves (or told by others) to "let go" of. But what exactly is the process of "letting go?"

Over the past ten years I've read a lot of books on Eastern philosophy, self-empowerment, and spirituality. The main commonality is this idea of letting go. Let go of your attachments, let go of your pain, let go of what is making you upset in your life. Okay, sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately we don't have a big eraser to get rid of these things in our lives, nor do many of us have the capacity to totally detach. So what do we do?

There are many ideas that I have learned about over the years. Some believe release comes from journaling or writing letters that you don't intend to send. Others tell you to write your woes and attach them to a balloon and let them sail away into the sky (not environmentally friendly, by the way). The one thing they don't recommend is internalizing. Unfortunately this is what a lot of us do best.

I believe that there is an art to letting go. I also think it requires a lot of personal insight and effort. I don't have many examples in my life where I can truly say for sure that I have accomplished this 100%, but the few that come to mind are undeniable. I know for sure that I have succeeded. There have been other times, however, when I have deceived myself into thinking I have let go only to find that I had hidden things under a pile of denial.

How many instances have you had in your life that you had thought you had moved past? Maybe it's a situation like a relationship, a memory that is so vivid you can replay every breath, or words that cut you so deeply that brought you to your knees. In any of these cases, time may have moved on, the wounds don't seem as fresh and you believe you are letting go. Unless you have come to understand these grievances, there is a good chance that they will come back to haunt you. All it could take is one spark of a memory and you are brought again to square one. I've seen it happen with many people I know as well as my own personal experience.

So what do we do? How can we move on?

I agree with the fundamental Buddhist philosophy of the Four Noble Truths. A bit of self analysis is in order. Take that idea of whatever is making you suffer and sit with it. Allow yourself to feel and take a mental note. You will not be in this state forever. Consider all of your emotions. Maybe this memory doesn't just make you sad, but you are also feeling guilt or anger. Take note of all of it. Now break it down into one question that you ask yourself: "Why am I clinging to this memory/person/word?" When you can finally understand what that attachment is, what is holding you down, only then can you begin (as the Buddhists say) "the path to cessation." You can take a step back and see the bigger picture. From there the journey begins.

We're all in this life together on our own little journeys of self-discovery and release. The important thing to remember is that from every experience we have new understanding. Every moment in our lives is a stepping stone to who we will become. You are in charge of who that is.