We've all had attachments in our lives. Whether it be a person, a memory, or spoken words we are holding onto, there are things that we have told ourselves (or told by others) to "let go" of. But what exactly is the process of "letting go?"
Over the past ten years I've read a lot of books on Eastern philosophy, self-empowerment, and spirituality. The main commonality is this idea of letting go. Let go of your attachments, let go of your pain, let go of what is making you upset in your life. Okay, sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately we don't have a big eraser to get rid of these things in our lives, nor do many of us have the capacity to totally detach. So what do we do?
There are many ideas that I have learned about over the years. Some believe release comes from journaling or writing letters that you don't intend to send. Others tell you to write your woes and attach them to a balloon and let them sail away into the sky (not environmentally friendly, by the way). The one thing they don't recommend is internalizing. Unfortunately this is what a lot of us do best.
I believe that there is an art to letting go. I also think it requires a lot of personal insight and effort. I don't have many examples in my life where I can truly say for sure that I have accomplished this 100%, but the few that come to mind are undeniable. I know for sure that I have succeeded. There have been other times, however, when I have deceived myself into thinking I have let go only to find that I had hidden things under a pile of denial.
How many instances have you had in your life that you had thought you had moved past? Maybe it's a situation like a relationship, a memory that is so vivid you can replay every breath, or words that cut you so deeply that brought you to your knees. In any of these cases, time may have moved on, the wounds don't seem as fresh and you believe you are letting go. Unless you have come to understand these grievances, there is a good chance that they will come back to haunt you. All it could take is one spark of a memory and you are brought again to square one. I've seen it happen with many people I know as well as my own personal experience.
So what do we do? How can we move on?
I agree with the fundamental Buddhist philosophy of the Four Noble Truths. A bit of self analysis is in order. Take that idea of whatever is making you suffer and sit with it. Allow yourself to feel and take a mental note. You will not be in this state forever. Consider all of your emotions. Maybe this memory doesn't just make you sad, but you are also feeling guilt or anger. Take note of all of it. Now break it down into one question that you ask yourself: "Why am I clinging to this memory/person/word?" When you can finally understand what that attachment is, what is holding you down, only then can you begin (as the Buddhists say) "the path to cessation." You can take a step back and see the bigger picture. From there the journey begins.
We're all in this life together on our own little journeys of self-discovery and release. The important thing to remember is that from every experience we have new understanding. Every moment in our lives is a stepping stone to who we will become. You are in charge of who that is.
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