Letting go?

"You cannot let go of anything if you cannot notice that you are holding it. Admit your 'weakensses' and watch them morph into your greatest strengths." -Neale Donald Walsch

We've all had attachments in our lives. Whether it be a person, a memory, or spoken words we are holding onto, there are things that we have told ourselves (or told by others) to "let go" of. But what exactly is the process of "letting go?"

Over the past ten years I've read a lot of books on Eastern philosophy, self-empowerment, and spirituality. The main commonality is this idea of letting go. Let go of your attachments, let go of your pain, let go of what is making you upset in your life. Okay, sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately we don't have a big eraser to get rid of these things in our lives, nor do many of us have the capacity to totally detach. So what do we do?

There are many ideas that I have learned about over the years. Some believe release comes from journaling or writing letters that you don't intend to send. Others tell you to write your woes and attach them to a balloon and let them sail away into the sky (not environmentally friendly, by the way). The one thing they don't recommend is internalizing. Unfortunately this is what a lot of us do best.

I believe that there is an art to letting go. I also think it requires a lot of personal insight and effort. I don't have many examples in my life where I can truly say for sure that I have accomplished this 100%, but the few that come to mind are undeniable. I know for sure that I have succeeded. There have been other times, however, when I have deceived myself into thinking I have let go only to find that I had hidden things under a pile of denial.

How many instances have you had in your life that you had thought you had moved past? Maybe it's a situation like a relationship, a memory that is so vivid you can replay every breath, or words that cut you so deeply that brought you to your knees. In any of these cases, time may have moved on, the wounds don't seem as fresh and you believe you are letting go. Unless you have come to understand these grievances, there is a good chance that they will come back to haunt you. All it could take is one spark of a memory and you are brought again to square one. I've seen it happen with many people I know as well as my own personal experience.

So what do we do? How can we move on?

I agree with the fundamental Buddhist philosophy of the Four Noble Truths. A bit of self analysis is in order. Take that idea of whatever is making you suffer and sit with it. Allow yourself to feel and take a mental note. You will not be in this state forever. Consider all of your emotions. Maybe this memory doesn't just make you sad, but you are also feeling guilt or anger. Take note of all of it. Now break it down into one question that you ask yourself: "Why am I clinging to this memory/person/word?" When you can finally understand what that attachment is, what is holding you down, only then can you begin (as the Buddhists say) "the path to cessation." You can take a step back and see the bigger picture. From there the journey begins.

We're all in this life together on our own little journeys of self-discovery and release. The important thing to remember is that from every experience we have new understanding. Every moment in our lives is a stepping stone to who we will become. You are in charge of who that is.

Self: Inner Voice

"Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts." -Thich Nhat Hanh

This is my first of many posts about self. I think it's a subject matter too many of us "fluff" off. How many of us can actually say we are completely happy with ourselves? How many of us can actually say we listen to and are at peace with our inner voice? Whether you believe it to be your intuition, your Buddha, or a little green cricket with a conscience badge, we all have this inner voice. We need to make a habit of listening to it.

Our senses are constantly overwhelmed in our daily lives. We have our laptops, cell phones, ipads, video games, televisions, dvr's... we are overloaded with information on a superficial level. This distracts us from learning and listening on a deeper, personal level. It makes it easy to ignore ourselves and our surroundings. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't fall into this category myself. There is so much information accessible to us, I do find myself lost on my phone or on the internet for a good amount of time during the day. But what is this doing to us? It is alienating us not only from our loved ones and our lives around us, but also from our center.

The very basic principle of any Eastern religion or practice is the art of breathing. If you concentrate on your breath, each inhale and exhale, you are brought back into the moment and the very essence of your life. You don't need to be a zen master or even good at meditation to adopt this practice. Simply by taking the time and being aware of your breathing can help you become centered and open to listening to your inner voice.

This voice is always talking to us... sometimes it is whispering, sometimes it is yelling. It guides us through life, warns us when danger is approaching, and lets us know when we are unhappy. If we take some time in our day to be silent, I think we will find we actually have a lot to listen to within ourselves. This in turn will help us to make improvements in our life to achieve contentment and happiness, which will improve upon our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones.

The key to life is balance. Let's start one breath at a time.

Breathing tips from Thich Nhat Hanh:

The best way to experience the air element is the practice of mindful breathing. "Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out." After saying these sentences we can abbreviate them by saying "In" as we breath in and "Out" as we breath out. We don't try to control our breathing. Whether our in-breath is long or short, deep or shallow, we just breath naturally and shine the light of mindfulness on it. When we do this we notice that, in fact, our breathing does become slower and deeper naturally. "Breathing in, my in-breath has become deep. Breathing out, my out-breath has become slow." Now we can practice, "Deep/slow". We don't have to make an extra effort. It just becomes deeper and slower by itself, and we recognize that.

Happiness

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves." -Buddha

Living your life with the intention to be happy and joyful is actually a lot of work. I think a lot of us claim to be happy and content on the surface, but if we took the time to introspect could we actually say that we are happy? I feel like so much of our lives are consumed by stress (environmental contributing to personal) and our own little negative ego bubbles that we forget to take the time to truly ask ourselves: "Am I happy? What makes me happy?" Even the times when we recognize something is wrong, that we are dwelling in our own negativity, laziness and/or fear takes over. We don't want to work at it. It's much easier to just accept our mediocre or unsatisfactory lives rather than to conjure up some courage and strength and to truly make a change.

After reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance I started reflecting on "quality." I believe that this idea of quality in our lives and in our work comes straight from our mindset. If we are ambivalent, our lives will reflect that. We will keep floating on, doing just enough to get by, leading unsatisfactory lives in unsatisfactory relationships with a nagging feeling that things could be "better." BUT, what if we took on each challenge in our day with intention-the intention to do our best and draw from our personal energy source to inspire and awaken us to our fullest potential? I believe then we would find quality and in turn find that happiness and fulfillment so many of us are seeking.

It is very easy to fall prey to the negativity in our lives. It's easy to dwell on the things we don't have or things we wish could change. I get caught up in it myself. There are times when I have really felt that I have been backed into a corner with no direction to go. There's always a way out though. We need to remember that there is an answer. We just need to realize it.

Let's stop making excuses and take responsibility for our own happiness in our lives. There's no better time to start than right now. Let's find that joy and never let it go.

Welcome

So... when I was encouraged by friends around this time last year to start blogging I think this is the type of work that they were hoping for. Sure it was fun keeping "Conquests of Keryn," but I am glad to be out of that phase of my life!

Over this past year I have had many life changes and because of that I have had a lot of time to reflect and to rebuild. I have been on a journey to find my center. I feel like for ten years of my life I had put the more thoughtful, philosophic part of me into dormancy. It's time to reawaken that Keryn. What better way than to share my ideas and pose my questions to you, my friends, who have been a great support to me whether it be in the past or just more recently.

Here goes...